This month, for the AW Blog Chain we talked about birthday’s and “growing up”. Many of us remember growing pains as we grew through each of the life stages behind us but did you know that our writing experiences similar growing pains?

The Labor of our Love of Writing

It all began, years before it all began. We gestated our love of language and writing through our own growth stages. Many writers can remember the joy of written creations shaping childhood. We daydreamed of the creativity we would, one day, bring into this world.

Eventually, the nesting period culminated in the pain and loss of childhood innocence. We brought our writing out into the harsh light of day. No longer could we cocoon our inspiration and ideas in the womb of secret passions. And so, our writing was born into the world. For the first time, others admired the wonder. Our baby was beautiful, at least in our own eyes, and the real journey was just beginning.

Each idea, story, or article is born in the same way. It starts, nestled safely in our minds and hearts until we push through the anxiety and pain to bring it out onto the page.

Cutting our Writing Teeth

After those labor pains, writing wandered through weeks of sleepless nights. We would delve into it at a moment’s notice any hour of the day. Often, we were tired, sometimes a little sad, but we were also high on the joy and wonder of creation.

As our writing grows up, however, teething inevitably arrives with sore gums, misery, and sometimes tears. Frustration dampens the thrill. What was once easy and effortless became a chore.

In is in this stage too that we begin to truly judge our writing. Our critical eye develops and we start to see our babies as they really are.

The pain of teething makes us want to stop. Many would-be writers do stop at this point, unaware that we explore new wonders, new tastes, after our teeth come in.

Temper Tantrums, Trouble Makers, and Id.

Have you ever met a three year old that was an angel ALL the time? I didn’t think so. Because after teething, children come into their twos, threes, and fours. These are the years of discovery. They find their personality, their Id, their sense of self and belonging. And in discovering how they influence the world around them, and that they are a single cog in the wheel of life, they rebel and test their boundaries.

Our writing also goes through this stage. After it’s munched on a few crunchy husks and found it’s teeth it reaches a stage of discovery. It becomes curious, it explores, it takes chances, and it gets hurt and scared. It tests its boundaries and throws tantrums.

This age of our writing is a wonderful part of growing up. It is when we discover our true voice and come to cherish what is unique about what we have to share with the world. These years feel the longest and sometimes, no matter how grown up we become, we revert to those trouble-making three-year-olds. Fear builds and we need to test our boundaries. We need to be reassured that we are safe and protected.

Striking Out with Writer Independence

Around the age of ten, most of us went through a new stage, we discovered that we could do things on our own. We no longer needed permission, we could make choices and decisions for ourselves. But, we were insecure in making choices so sometimes we would get clingy, emotional, angry, frustrated, and scared.

Once past the tantrum stage, our writing goes through a few years where it wanders in the youthful enthusiasm of childhood before it starts to understand danger and risk. Before then, it acts without realizing that what it does might be hazardous but as understanding dawns it begins to question what is right and it realizes that its power to affect others can do as much harm as good.

This stage of development is one that is truly magical but often overlooked. It feels like an in-between, we often just think the ten year old is a ten year old. Not quite a child, not quite a teenager, still young, carefree, and without the worries of the world on their shoulders. But a ten year old worries, and our ten year old writing become concerned too. As the weight of those worries build in the coming years it leads into the next stage.

Responding to Responsibility – Teenage Rebellion

When that former ten year old now about fourteen realizes they’ve had enough of the sense of responsibility that comes with growing up they rebel. They toss off the shackles of responsibility. They want to be carefree again. They want to make bad choices and they don’t want to be concerned with consequence. They want to be three-years-old again, when right and wrong didn’t matter and when they were still oblivious to danger.

Our writing loves this stage. If you’re in it you won’t know it but your voice is dramatically different in this stage. It’s not even really “you” so much it’s the mask you put on, the face you show others. This is also the age where you’ll find your writing most mimics others. You wear the masks of other people as your writing tries to fit in.

You’ll often find in this stage you begin to harness the ability to put deep emotional ties into your writing. That angst you felt as a teenager is angst your teenage writing gives voice. Before your writing reaches adulthood it can bleed on the page, everything is intense, without filter. It often lacks direction and almost never has a plan. It also ignores consequence. But it’s only steps away from the balance, understanding, and grounding of adulthood.

Balance, Understanding, and Grounding

All of these stages eventually lead to adulthood. You’ve been reckless, you’ve abandoned responsibility, you’ve discovered your sense of being separate and distinct from others, you’ve taken a bite out of life, and become your own person. You step away from your family and begin building a place for yourself in the world. You’re still learning who you are, because none of us ever really stop, but you’ve got a firmer grasp of yourself and your emotions. You’ve learned that you have a place in the world and that, to some degree, you have the power to shape that place.

When our writing reaches this same level of maturity it too has learned that it has a place in the world and that it has the power to shape that place. We’ve learned to harness our raw emotions, to give them essence and strength on the page. But we’ve also learned that those emotions play a part in the greater whole of our story. They aren’t just there for the sake of being there, they, in their very being, have significance to the story and to the characters.

We’ve also learned through growing up that there are times when writing is hard and there are times when we can write from the core of our three year old, we can write from the minds of our ten year old, we can write from the heart of our fourteen year old, and that all of those things are within the adulthood of our writing. In this, maturity of our writing, we have greater command and control. We know how to manipulate language, and to put our influence on the page.

In adulthood, we’ve also learned the importance of having a message. Our writing is no longer aimless, it conveys, it transforms, and it brings value to those around us. We’ve learned to be giving and we’ve learned to use our strengths to make a difference for others, and ourselves.

What have you learned as your writing was growing up? Do you think you’re still in one of these other stages? Do you recognize any stages I’ve not mentioned? How has your own writing grown?

See what other Absolute Writers have to say about “Growing Up”:

• Aimee Laine – aimeelaine
• Claire Gillian – AuburnAssassin
• Night-Tinted Glasses – DavidZahir
• Life in Scribbletown – FreshHell
• The Gluten Free Food Blog – Simran
• Everything Historical – Proach *Thanks for the introduction.
• Escape Into Romance – *RomanceWriter*
• Filling in the Corners – Breddings *Thanks for the introduction.
• Writer’s Round-About – laffarsmith
• My Fantasy Life – Sneaky Devil *UP NEXT!
• Words Fail Me – leahzero
• South Asia Blog – razibahmed
• [Insert Title Here] – RavenCorinnCarluk
• Eclectic Thoughts – Collectonian

Have you considered the linguistics of crafting a ‘great’ query as opposed to a ‘good enough’ effort when it comes to finding gigs? To be honest, I trusted my simple, basic wording factor: The straight to the point and in your face statistics of a few published clips, contact information, and ending my spill with the tried and true, “Thank You.” But, my lack-luster efforts to connect with editors and publishers on a more personable level usually lead to the proverbial ”sorry, but, at this time…” sort of deal.

My disappointment often led me to toss the piece entirely and move on to penning other less invasive work, for example, writing on my transitional blog or penning short-stories for my viewing pleasure only. In 2006, I began to write an online column geared toward women issues. My purpose for doing so were two-fold. I would use my life experiences to help encourage, inspire and motivate other women of a certain age to recognize and become impassioned about their passions that might be misplaced, or denied. The second reason was purely selfish, I admit.

I wanted to hone my skills and improve my chances for publication in this favored genre. I felt ready to tackle the great divide of growing my freelance writing business by scouring for paying clients while taking a sabbatical from my free column “Women In Transition” at Alumbo.com, which I still visit as a focal point and bridge to my purpose to inspire other women. I began to study the markets and apply myself more seriously to improving my chance at getting the gig in this and other areas. I also took a Marketing class.

The query to the editor of a nurse magazine several months ago, which resulted in landing my first official column, began differently than those first, flurried queries. I’ve learned some essential points for writing query letters if you’re serious about sealing the deal and signing on the dotted line.

Take a refresher class

Hone the basics of the query, your preferred genre or subject, or your field of interest. There are plenty reputable, seasoned writers who are willing to work with you. Jennifer Brown Banks of Pen And Prosper, Sonya Carmichael Jones of Marketing Buddha, Daniel Scocco of Daily Blog Tips, and Susan Johnston of The Urban Muse, are a few examples of accomplished folks in the business of writing who offer blogging and editing  tips, marketing know-how, and a slew of valuable online writing classes that serve to enhance your skills and help you land that elusive dream job.

Query to the right publication.

Do not send a query to an editor for sporting goods about making bread from scratch. Do your research, consider reading a few copies of the publication. Learn their style, theme, and focus. Be clear about the market before you pitch your query.

Be personable

There’s a difference between being personable and personal. Leave your personal issues at home, but, be friendly and approachable. The editor or publisher is obviously reading between the lines of your query and will either like you or not, depending largely upon how you represent yourself.

Answer the question: What’s in it for me?

You have to sell your wares. The only way to do this is to tell your buyer what benefit you offer them. What can you give them that is uniquely yours to give? Show them how your product topples the competition.

Master the art of the P.S.

I truly loved this concept from the online Marketing Buddha Class. I used the PS as an after thought in my query to the editor of the nurse magazine, inviting more info, clips, etc… Although P.S. seems like an afterthought, it’s actually an opportunity to put one final pitch in your query letter, a final resounding thought that will linger and be memorable.

I can’t say exactly what part of my query landed me the gig as a magazine columnist. I can only say these new techniques get me those blessed editor followups.

What have you learned about writing effective query letters?
I’d love to know your tips, too!

by Anna Miller

It’s a job that everyone wants to do, because they think it’s easy as pie and the perks are great – you can work from the comfort of your home, at schedules that suit your convenience, and all you need as investment are a computer, word processing software, a good Internet connection, and some creativity with words. But being a freelance writer, especially one who is successful, is not exactly a bed of roses. Yes, the job is great if you want to choose writing as a profession, but before you take to freelancing, here are a few things you must know:

1. Procrastination never pays

When you’re a freelancer and able to set your own schedules and work at your own pace, you tend to put work off when you’re caught up in other activities. You convince yourself that you have all the time in the world, and then when your deadline looms closer, you find yourself rushing to complete the work in the little time that you have. When you do this once too often, you could end up compromising the quality of your work and losing valuable clients in the bargain. So avoid procrastination, and if you feel yourself delaying work for some reason or the other, nip the habit in the bud.

2. You must avoid distractions

When you work from home, there are numerous distractions to contend with – the television, your chores at home, children, visitors and family members taking up your time, and other diversions tend to take up your time if you’re not dedicated to work. And worst of all, the Internet is a very tempting and hard-to-avoid distraction if you work in an unsupervised environment and keep your own hours. Unless you make a concentrated effort to avoid distractions, you’re going to waste away the better part of the day.

3. Keeping commitments is important

A freelancer’s success is based on their regular clients perceive them – if they come across as writers who are always on schedule and continue to produce quality work time and again, it’s not going to be hard to find regular work. Unlike a regular job, a freelancer must work at getting each assignment, and the best way to establish themselves in the industry and gain regular gigs is to earn credibility as a responsible and skilled worker who honours commitments and also writes well.

4. Schedules help

Although you have the freedom to choose and set your own schedules when you work from home, it’s best to establish a regular schedule for work, just like those that are enforced in offices. This not only helps you avoid distractions but also reinforces to other people the fact that you’re working and should not be disturbed.

5. Maintaining connections is necessary

And finally, it’s important to stay connected to other people in the business and your clients so that you continue to get assignments on a regular basis. The best way to do this is to join forums for freelancers and also set up profiles on social networks through which you can connect to fellow professionals and potential clients. When you prove that you’re committed to your work, it’s easy to establish yourself as a successful freelance writer.

This guest post is contributed by Anna Miller, who writes on the topic of online degrees . She welcomes your comments at her email id: anna.miller009@gmail.com.

What are the most important things you think aspiring freelance writers should know?

Do you find some writers “just lucky?” Do you look at colleagues who earn all the best gigs, find clients who always pay on time, write for your dream markets – and wonder what they’re doing that you’re not?

I hold the opinion that there is no such thing as luck. We all make our own luck (if you want to call it that). I hope that doesn’t sound elitist or unsympathetic. If you think you’re doing everything you can to build a career, but still see others achieving greater success, you may be missing an important element.

Do you believe you can be a successful freelance writer? Do you expect success?

Many people have never heard of the Law of Attraction. For others, their only exposure is through the movie or Rhonda Byrne’s bestselling book, The Secret. While the book is a quality introduction to the Law of Attraction, it doesn’t tell the whole story.

I can’t describe the whole process of manifesting what you want by believing you have it in one short article. But I’ve been using the Law of Attraction in my freelance writing career and I can share a few tips.

What is the Law of Attraction?

The Law of Attraction is simple. It’s a universal law, as constant as gravity, which states: Like attracts like.

Good or bad, whatever you are getting now, you are bound to get more of. Unless you change your thoughts and actions.

Freelance writers sometimes use the term “feast or famine” to describe this universal truth. When we have work, we have lots of work. We’ll get up early, stay up late, miss meals, and work around the clock. This, of course, attracts more work. We hate to turn down writing gigs, because we expect there will be lean times, as well. People consider it a rule of the freelance business, but it’s actually the Law of Attraction in action.

Similarly, when we struggle with writing, that feeling can go on for days and days, until we take action to change it.

Use the Law of Attraction to Keep Business Rolling

When things are going well, how do you maintain momentum?

Simply believe you deserve it, and expect more of it.

Don’t focus on, “What will I do if this streak of work ends? What if I lose this client?” Instead, focus on writing, getting your job done, and expecting more work. It will come – if you believe it.

The act of showing up for work everyday, or on the days that you have set as workdays, is very important. It keeps your mind focused on work. It’s not always easy to stay disciplined when we don’t have a boss forcing us to punch a time clock. But you owe it to yourself to keep whatever office hours you’ve decided upon, however flexible they might be. Keep producing, keep expecting, and work will keep coming.

Make Room for Good Clients

Work attracts more work, and good clients attract more good clients. Do you have deadbeat clients? Jobs you hate? People who are difficult to work with? Cut them loose.

It’s not always easy to find the nerve to do this, but only by getting rid of what you don’t want are you free to focus on what you do want, such as clients who:

• Pay on time
• Pay well
• Are easy to work with
• May be generous with their praise (if this is important to you)
• Will  refer you to colleagues

Focus on the Work You Want

Many writers want to write for glossy consumer magazines, but instead, answer ads for content writers. They get the work. They do it well. Soon, they are known as top-class Web content writers. But they haven’t sent out a query letter to a magazine in months.

Other writers get regular monthly magazine assignments, but they really want to write a book. Still, assignments keep coming in, leaving them no time to focus on their book.

I understand the necessity of having to pay the bills. But don’t expect what you’re not focusing on. Expect to get more of what you have.

Knowing this, you can make the choice: Do you want to take the chance and branch out to meet your true goals? Or are you content making a living as a writer, even if it’s not the writer you dream of being?

And if you’re settling: Why would you want to settle, if what you really want is there, just waiting for you to claim it? You’re worth more than that!

Visualize the Jobs You Want

One step toward making the jump to the writing work you really want is to visualize yourself doing it.

If you want to be in a consumer magazine, buy a copy of that magazine. Scan in the masthead and use a basic graphics program to insert your name into the masthead of your dream publication. Hang it in your workspace. Don’t have a scanner or graphics program? Write your name with pen. It’s your intention that matters.

If you want to write a book, create the cover (it doesn’t have to be fancy), with your name in big, bold print as the author. Put this near your desk where you’ll see it when you work.

To meet financial goals, place photos of money, along with a number that represents your goal, in a visible place. You can also print out a blank check from the “Secret” website and write it out to yourself, for whatever amount you’d like.

This may sound like “magic,” but it’s really about believing you can achieve your goals, visualizing yourself achieving them, and doing the work it takes to make it happen. Some people work with a Life Coach specializing in the Law of Attraction to help them. I personally recommend J. Sewell Perkins of the Success Coaches Institute and the Secret Abundance Files.

Note: I am a student of the Secret Abundant Files program, an advisory board member of its International Mastermind Group, and part of its affiliate program. The money I receive when you buy the course is a mere fraction of what YOU will receive when you master its principles.

Have you felt the Law of Attraction influencing your writing career? What will you do today to manifest the future success you deserve?

This post is part of the Guest Post Giveaway at the blog Unready and Willing. If you think articles about writing or personal development (or personal development for writers) sounds like a good fit for your blog, please take a look at the Guest Post Giveaway page and see if any of the articles spark your interest.

You may be familiar with the phrase “Murder your Darlings.” This is the mantra repeated over and over again by teachers of the revision process. For many writers this is a painful ordeal that seems to take the life from a piece. Painful as it is, cutting out the parts that seem most precious to you is essential in polishing your work. Oftentimes when an editor will suggest that you cut a passage out of your story or novel, it’ll be one of your favorite sections–this is probably because you felt very good writing it. You were in the flow, and everything that fell onto the page just “felt right” to you. And now this editor wants you to cut it? To trash it as though it never existed? How could they be so cruel?

Is this the part of the writing process that you hate the most? Do hate the feeling that the passages that you had had so much pleasure writing will not see the light of day? I certainly did when I started out writing, but there are good reasons for cutting the fat. Although certain passages are beautifully written, they may do nothing to contribute to a story’s plot or give any insight to the characters. Exchanges of dialogue, though clever, may not really be important at all. The character that you snuck into chapter three was forced into the story just because you thought he or she was interesting. Lost in the flow of your writing, you might have spent two paragraphs describing a horse-carriage and not even know it. These passages simply don’t belong.

Instead of getting out your ax and murdering your darlings right then and there, however, why not consider dropping them off at the orphanage so that another story might be able to pick them up? Essentially you can create a database of written material that just didn’t make the cut for your other stories. Not only does this take some of the pain out of revision, but it also can give you a place to access characters, descriptions, and clever turns of phrases that simply didn’t fit in your other work. Whenever you feel writer’s block coming on, you can infuse some of the good stuff you didn’t use from your previous work into your new one.

To establish this orphanage, create a folder on your computer for your rescued darlings and then make sub-folders with names like “characters,” “descriptions,” “dialogues,” “settings,” and so on. Every time you cut a substantial part from your story, copy it and paste into a new document. Title the document in a way that you’ll be able to recognize it easily when you come back to it. Your “settings” folder would have documents titled “Roadside Cafe,” “African Village” and so on. The “Characters” folder could have documents with the character names, or just a short description like: “Nerdy Mobster” or, “Obsessive-Compulsive Stockbroker.”

Personally I find that I tend not to use too many of my rescued darlings in my new work. It’s comforting, however, to know that they’ll always be there waiting should you ever need them.

Kenji Crosland is a creative writing major who, scared of becoming a starving artist, became a corporate headhunter in Tokyo. Since then he’s regained his sanity, quit his job, and now blogs about creating an ideal career at unreadyandwilling.com. He is also developing a web application that just might change the internet. Follow him on Twitter: @KenjiCrosland.

Have you ever cut a part of your story that you really wished you’d kept? What do you do with the darlings you cut? Have you used a character or scene that didn’t make the cut in one story for another? What kinds of safety nets do you use when editing and revising your work?

Anyone who’s worked in retail knows the adage, “The customer is always right.” That credo often makes retail workers cringe. I’ve worked in several bookstores and most people wouldn’t believe the customers we had to accept as being “right.”

I can cite hundreds of examples of abused return policies, mis-read signage where the customer received a discount anyway, and complaints where the customer was clearly wrong, but the manager made right. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

The policy is not an excuse to act as a doormat, but it provides a good guideline for knowing when to cut your losses. In other words, is the bad PR worth the money we’ll save by not making the customer happy?

The words “bad PR” make me think of the recent Southwest / Kevin Smith debacle. Director Kevin Smith was kicked off a plane for being “too heavy”, and escorted out of a seat he clearly fit in. He was right; Southwest was wrong. But even if it was a close call — even if he had to struggle to get that armrest down — Southwest would have been smart to let it pass. Smith had been a passenger on the airlines countless times previously, flying with no danger to himself, the other passengers, or the plane as a whole. Southwest, known as the friendly airlines, has spent years and millions of marketing dollars building a good reputation for itself. Was it really worth it not to let Kevin Smith — a customer with a powerful voice and a lot of social networking cache — just be right?

For Freelancers, Clients = Customers

When you are a freelance writer, your clients are your customers. What are some instances in which the client is “right”, even if it may not seem like it?

• When the editor changes your work in a way you may not approve of, but it is still factually and grammatically correct. Every editor has his own style, and publications typically fit the editor’s style. If the editor changes something, and it’s not how you would have written it, leave it alone. If you want to know the rationale, ask politely. But don’t argue.
• When the client changes his mind about what he wants, and expects you to do more work as a result. Unless it’s specifically written into your contract (and you should have one for this reason) that you charge for re-writes, you should do the work. The client will appreciate that you went the extra mile, and you’ll get return work. If the client makes a habit of changing his mind after the fact, you may want to consider ending the relationship.
• When you write to the client’s specifications, but the client just isn’t happy. I know a lot of writers disagree with me on this point, but I like to use this analogy: If I go to a hairdresser and I leave looking like Ronald McDonald, the hairdresser better fix it — for free. If I take my car to a mechanic and it’s not running well when I leave, I want him to make it right — at no charge. Doctors are probably the only professionals who can get away with not doing their job correctly the first time and then charge for repeat visits… but writers don’t have to live in fear of malpractice lawsuits, either.

Contracts Make it Clear
Again, the policy that the customer is always right isn’t designed to force professionals to act like doormats. Having a contract that clearly outlines what you will and won’t do for the given fee prevents misunderstandings, endless re-writes and wasted time. A contract helps ensure the client receives exactly what he paid for.

I don’t charge for rewrites and, in rare cases when a client is not happy, I will re-visit my work until it meets their specifications. I have many repeat clients, including editors I’ve worked with for more than 15 years.

If endless rewrites or complaints become a problem, I simply stop working for the client or publication. .. and I can count on one hand the number of times that has happened. In some cases, because clients know I will rewrite with a smile, whatever the circumstances, they offer to pay me for the additional work. Again, everyone is happy.

As writers, we are service professionals. The number one goal of a service professional is to provide good customer service. That’s at the heart of the “client is always right” philosophy.

What are some instances in which you’ve accepted a client being “right” because it wasn’t going to hurt you, even if you didn’t agree? When have you had to put your foot down?